i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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