her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
