just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
