Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
