Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
