did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
