you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
