sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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