but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
