Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize