I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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