pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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