I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
