I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
