Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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