and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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