Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
