I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
