I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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