Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
