I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
