your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
