We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
