I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
