Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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