Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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