I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize