I want to make a zoo with you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
