he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
