You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
