we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
