You really coming over, don't trick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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