Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize