I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
