Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
