I wish I could teleport
This girl is more easily done than said...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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