I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
