dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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