Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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