for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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