so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
