isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
