Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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