a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
