For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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