she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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