if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i've created a new STD.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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