Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its not stalking. its research.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
