Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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