I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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