a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize