remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
