I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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