You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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