i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Two words: blizzard sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
