it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
