the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
