When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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