How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
