If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
