so explain again why im purple
no
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
