i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
