Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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