I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
