My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you didnt know i had herpes?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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