im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
