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Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You have to summon your inner elephant
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
