i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
