It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
