i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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