if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize