____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
