Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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