who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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