i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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