I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
