you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize