On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
