just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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