I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
