Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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