First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
