that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I pour the whiskey from now on
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
