hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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