I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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