I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
