? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I puked a lego.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
