one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
