My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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