Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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