I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
