Where is the hickey?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
