im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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