OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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