We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
