my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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