Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
