I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize