Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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