Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
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