So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
