My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
