Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
