Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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