he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
