For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
