I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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