it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
